


The Lady Doth Protest too Much, Methinks

by thefirstneonphoenix



Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, Grocery Shopping, I might flesh that out later, Not really much actual grocery shopping, Set pre-Jason's death because we don't have enough of those, Sibling Bonding, but there is sibling bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:53:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27595099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefirstneonphoenix/pseuds/thefirstneonphoenix
Summary: Jason just needed someone to drive him so that he could by his groceries. Unfortunately, Dick's his only option. Fortunately, Dick has the day off. Unfortunately, siblings are jerks.Ft. Snow and iced side walks
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Jason Todd
Comments: 9
Kudos: 90





	The Lady Doth Protest too Much, Methinks

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time I've really put any sort of effort into a work that wasn't for school, so even if I don't think it's the best thing, I'm happy to have made it.

Dick will admit that he may have experienced a lapse in judgement. He will even concede that, with his level of emotional intelligence, he should have been able to predict the consequences of his actions.

Alas, he did not. And now here they were, Jason sitting on his couch and hacking up his lungs while Dick attempted to read Hamlet aloud to him.

It had all started, ironically enough, with  _ Dick _ sitting on his couch hacking up his lungs, although he was trying to work instead of perfecting his Shakespearean dialogue. A few days after Thanksgiving, Alfred had left to go on a two week tour of Europe with some of his old buddies, back from when he was a soldier. Bruce had been supposed to stay with Jason to offer general parental supervision (although if he was anything like what he’d been when Dick had lived with him, that wasn’t much), but there was an emergency off-world that he had to deal with almost immediately following Alfred’s departure. 

* * *

Without any knowledge of when Batman would be back, Jason had been left to fend for himself in the manor, something he was just fine with. He could take the bus to school on his own, make his own food, train, and spend all the time in the world in the library. He had so many clothes that he didn’t even need to do laundry, which definitely rubbed him wrong somedays, but for now he was perfectly content with the state of things. His life was going great, and even if did end up feeling lonely in the empty building, well, it wasn’t like he had been left to his own devices forever, and he had certainly gone longer living on his own before.

On the sixth day, however, a problem arose. He needed to get groceries. As far as Jason had been concerned prior to this revelation, food had been delivered to Wayne Manor by pantry stocking faeries. This was not the case, as evidenced by the lack of cookable items left in the fridge. Sure there was bread in the freezer and the pantry was full of canned goods, but maybe he had become a little spoiled in the year and a half he had spent off the streets. There was something about fresh vegetables that made life that much better, and if he wanted them, he’d have to do adult things. Like go grocery shopping.

After thinking about it for a while, Jason puzzled out a plan. He could ride the bus on his own, but he didn’t want to carry all of his bags back on it. Alternatively, he could just call a car, but that was sketchy and he wasn’t looking to get kidnapped. That left one option: calling somebody else. Namely, his predecessor, Dick Grayson.

* * *

Dick was contemplating building a program to change the alphabet on his laptop in an effort to keep the words from smearing together when his phone began ringing. He stared at it listlessly for a moment, contemplating just ignoring the call, before realising that it was his Nightwing Phone TM and so whoever was calling him, it was probably important.

“Hello?” he answered the call warily.

“Dick? Oh good, I wasn’t sure you’d pick up.”

Dick sat for a moment, trying to process what was going on before it all clicked.

“Jason? Is everything alright?”

“Um yeah? I’m not dying if that’s what you're worried about. I just maybe sorta called because I needed to get groceries and that sort of requires a car and you have a car and I’m not trying to steal one of Bruce’s cars again and taking the bus would just be a pain and I really don’t wanna get kidnapped by a cab driver and anyways nevermind this was kinda dumb anyways, I’ll be fine, sorry for interrupting your day. You’re at work aren’t you? I’ll just go. Everything’s fine.”

“Wait. Slow down,” Dick took another moment to process what had just happened. “You’re calling because you need… groceries?”

“Uh, yes. Groceries. There’s food at the manor but I wanted fresh stuff and there isn’t any of that. Bruce is offworld and Alfred’s on vacation, so I don’t really have any other adults to call that could help.”

“Alright. Tell you what, I have today off, and I’m not getting anything done at the moment, so how about I pick you up from the manor and then we can go to the store to pick up groceries together, does that sound good?”

“Yeah. Yeah that works. You have my number, right?”

Dick couldn’t help his grin as he made his way over to his closet. “Jason you’re literally calling me right now. Unless there’s another one you want me to use...?”

“Right, yeah. No, this one’s fine, just text me when you get here?”

“Will do. I’ll be there in any hour, see you then.”

“Bye.”

With that confirmed, Dick hung up his phone and threw on some clothes, before stepping into the bathroom and making himself look more presentable to polite society. He didn’t need to show up at the manor looking like he was carrying the weight of the world under his eyes anyways. His cold had been bad the past couple days, so much so that he wasn’t able to go out as Nightwing, something he was deeply upset about. Today though he was feeling much better, if not 100%. He took some medication just to be sure, grabbed a jacket and his keys, and was out the door and into the snow that was falling gently to the ground in large, white tufts.

* * *

As soon as Jason got off the call, he all but ran to his room in a rush to change. It wouldn’t do for Dick to show up and see him in his pajamas, or worse, something stained. With that in mind, he frantically searched through his ridiculous number of clothes, looking for something to wear.

After what felt like hours of trying on different clothes, he finally settled on the t-shirt and jeans he had originally been wearing. At that point it had been 37 minutes since he’d called Dick, so he decided to correct what was almost a catastrophic planning error and make a grocery list.

Eggs, milk, butter… normal dairy products, and necessary for baking.

Celery, cucumber, carrots, lettuce, corn? Corn wasn’t in season, so Jason scratched that off. He needed potatoes, and also some mushrooms? Yes, mushrooms. And bell peppers. There were still onions in the pantry, so he didn’t need to worry about those, but he could stand to buy parsnips and radishes. Normally Jason would be trying harder to minimize what he was buying, but this was Bruce Wayne’s money and he really didn’t feel all that bad about spending it.

Nevertheless, as he moved on to fruits he tried to limit himself a bit more. It wasn’t as if he made a ton of things using fruit anyways. Fifty-five minutes after Jason had called him, Dick was pulling up in the driveway. Jason grabbed his coat, and, after a moment's hesitation, his hat and scarf too. Before rushing out to the car and climbing into the passenger's seat.

* * *

As soon as Jason had slammed the door, Dick was pulling out of the driveway. It wasn’t like he wanted to stay at that house long anyways, and he was grateful to Jason’s efficiency in leaving it. 

After asking Jason whether or not he had a specific place he wanted to shop at in mind, Dick set off onto the long road winding towards Gotham proper. The snow had picked up and then dropped down again, so that now there was about a half inch coating everything. It helped that it had rained the night before, the temperature drop causing everything to become iced over. While this may have helped the snow accumulation, it did not, however, help Dick while he was driving, making sure to drive cautiously. He already fought with Bruce enough as it was, he didn’t need adding “Placing the Wayne child in danger” to the repertoire. 

Despite his need to concentrate, the silence was beginning to get to him. Jason seemed nervous, and honestly this was a pretty out of the blue request from him, but one Dick understood nevertheless. Being alone in Wayne manor could be taxing enough as it was, the size of the house only served to magnify the solitude.

He and Jason weren’t particularly close, in the sense that Dick wouldn’t think of them as brothers, but they were definitely friends, maybe cousins. Dick considered Jason a part of his family, and wasn’t that a thought. Because he knew how horrible it was to stew quietly in the car next to an adult, and maybe because he was getting a bit antsy himself, Dick decided to break the silence by asking Jason about what book he was currently reading, something that was always a safe topic.

It turned out that Jason’s English class was reading  _ The Theban Plays  _ in a unit covering tragedies. Dick himself had never enjoyed the futility of the tragic hero, the idea of an inescapable destiny hit a little too close to home for his own comfort. He did, however, find that he and Jason had a shared love of Shakespeare, which was definitely something to look into more later for bonding purposes.

* * *

Between the two of them, the grocery shopping itself hadn’t taken too much time. They both agreed to leave out the cucumber due to how overpriced it was though. Dick started the car as Jason put the last of the groceries in the trunk, closing it and then making sure it caught. He took his time trudging through the slush to the car, careful not to slip. The snow was falling much harder than it had been before and there were now a good few inches blanketing everything. The car handle itself was encrusted in ice and snow, which Jason broke off, to the detriment of his bare fingers.

He pulled the handle. The door didn’t open. Releasing the handle, he tried again. Once more, the door didn’t open. Jason tried a third time, still no door opening. Deciding to preserve his hands, he curled them into his sleeves and looked up at Dick in confusion.

Dick was smirking.

The absolute bastard.

Jason glared.

Dick rolled down the window.

“Problem?”

“Your door won’t open. Let me in before I freeze to death.”

“What’s the magic word?” Dick had the nerve to  _ sing-song. _

“Bruce will kill you.”

“Were you supposed to leave the house without him knowing?”

“What? You planning on getting over your lover’s spat just to tattle on me?”

Dick rolled his eyes at that, “No, but if you want to tattle on me, you’ll have to confess to your own sins.”

Jason just glared harder. “Let me in.”

“Alright, alright,  _ fine.  _ At least some of us can have a little fun.” Nevertheless, he hit the lock mechanism, and Jason sighed with relief.

He moved to pick up the handle again, but the second his hand made contact with the door, Dick  _ slammed  _ his own back onto the lock button, because he was an absolute  _ bastard who deserved to die. _

“You know what? Fuck this. Fuck you. I’ll walk home.”

Dick had the nerve to then laugh, as if he didn’t believe Jason was at all capable of following through on his threats. If Dick thought that, then he had a thing or two to learn still. With that in mind, Jason turned around and began walking in the direction of Wayne manor, miles away.

* * *

As Dick watched Jason walk away, it began to dawn on him that he may have miscalculated, and that Jason was actually going to walk all the way to Wayne Manor, in this weather, just for the sake of proving a point.

Maybe if Dick waited long enough he would stop?

Jason did not stop. Dick watched him walk out of the parking lot, and onto the sidewalk, before pulling the car out himself to try to convince Jason to get in.

Pulling up alongside the curb, he called out, “Hey Jason?”

Jason kept walking. 

Dick crawled beside him with the car, keeping his window rolled down. It looked like he would have to do this the hard way.

“Can you please get in the car before you freeze?”

This time, Jason replied. “Excuse me sir, but I’m a minor, and even if I wasn’t, it would still be beyond a little creepy that you’re following me. Besides I don’t get in cars with people I can’t trust.”

“Alright. Jason, I’m really sorry for locking you out of the car and I won’t do it again. Promise.”

“On Tom and Martha’s graves?”

“On Tom and Martha’s graves,” Dick echoed, thinking the oath was a little dramatic and extreme, but whatever got Jason out of the snow and into the car. Jason’s brow, or what could be seen of it under his hat, furrowed in thought. Dick thought he was about to say something, but at that moment, Jason stepped on a patch of ice a bit too hard a bit too fast and suddenly his legs were in the air and his head was under them. Jason lay there, unmoving, as Dick slammed on the brakes with unnecessary force and threw the car into park, before rushing out of the car.

“Oh my God, Jason are you ok?”

Jason lay there, unmoving. Instinctively, Dick went for his pulse. A little high, but otherwise no issue. He then went to check Jason’s head for injury, making sure to be careful of his neck. No sign of injury. Dick sat back on his haunches and eyed Jason suspiciously. “Jason?” He tried again. “You wouldn’t happen to be faking this for the sake of giving your older brother a heart attack, now would you?”

Jason’s eyes cracked open at that. “Brother?” He exclaimed.

“Uh, Yeah? I mean, only if you want to be. I just figured because, y’know, the whole situation and all…”

“No! I mean, yes! That’s totally cool. Definitely very cool. I always wanted siblings and that crap.”

“Oh. Well good. Because now I’m going to carry you bodily into the car and there is nothing you can do to stop me.”

“Hey waitaminute, I can walk on my own! Dick put me down! Dick, you absolute dick!”

Dick grinned and hauled him around to the passengers side of the car, at which point he rolled him off his shoulder and into the vehicle with all the grace of a seasoned vigilante. Dick slammed the door shut and walked back around, but when he tried the handle, it wouldn’t open. Dick looked through the still open window at Jason, who sat there, grinning up at him angelically. Dick leveled him with an unimpressed look as he reached in through the window and unlocked the car door, opened it, and got in.

Jason sat back with a huff.

“Good try kid, but you clearly have much to learn.” 

“And I presume you’re planning on teaching me?”

“Like I said before, call me anytime you need me. I’ll be there. 

* * *

Three days after that, Jason was calling him again because he had a head cold and wasn’t sure which medication to use, Dick decided he could afford another sick day or two in the name of taking care of his newly christened little brother.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm thinking of fleshing this out a bit more. I could definitely go more in depth with the grocery shopping, and the conversation in the car, and I even had an alternate plotline in which Dick ends up getting arrested or pulled over because Jason starts yelling about being kidnapped.  
> Honestly I'll probably just end up forgetting about it, but if someone wants me to focus more on some part of it I definitely will.


End file.
